That Butlers' Pie is the Best
by MassiveMilkshakeNerd
Summary: The Midford family is coming over. Oh, great. How is Ciel going to handle this? With... pie? What? Ciel never was a social person.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler). All rights belong to the author, Yana Toboso. I am merely using her characters and story for entertainment.**

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 **A/N: So I was watching the Three Stooges with my dad last night... and this happened. If you are familiar with the show I think you know where this is going.**

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 **WARNING: Randomness ahead.**

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The Earl of Phantomhive looked around at the people sitting at the long table. Prolonged silence had filled the room giving an air of awkwardness about everyone. Clearing his throat, the Earl addressed the Marchioness Midford.

"So, Auntie..." He thought desperately for something interesting to say. "Have you gone on any... hunting trips lately?"

The Marchioness gave him what he dubbed the "Death Stare" and barked out, "Not as of late."

"I see."

The awkward silence again ensued.

"Oh, Ciel!" his fiancée suddenly exclaimed from across the table. "I bought a new dress yesterday. After supper, would you like to see it?"

"Of course, Lizzie," he assured the girl. She smiled brightly in return.

It was once again so silent that you could hear the ticking of the clock quite distinctly. _If this continues, I may go completely mad!_ thought the Earl. And let it be said that the Earl was not a _social_ person. Indeed, as his butler once stated, he would hang around in a corner all through a party and not speak to anyone at all. He would retort back and say that all of the nobility talk nonsense. Talking wouldn't get anything done! What was the use? But now that he sat here, in this horrible silence, he understood why. It was because, really, you can't talk much else with people, lest they get offended. Especially if they happen to be your relatives.

"Ciel," the Marquess spoke up, abruptly breaking the silence, "how is the Funtom Company doing?"

Thankful for the much more serious question, the Earl replied with, "It's doing just fine, Uncle. Thank you for asking."

"Of course."

"Ciel!" the Earl's cousin, Edward, shouted at him. "This party is terrible! The conversation is so dull!"

"Brother!" the girl reprimanded him.

Sighing, the Earl placed a hand on his forehead which was beginning to ache. "Yes, it is a bit of a drag, isn't it?"

"I'll say it is," the Marchioness mumbled.

The Marquess placed a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Oh, don't be like that, Franny."

"Do not call me that in public!"

"Alright everyone!" the Earl cried. "Sebastian is going to be bringing in dessert soon. I'm sure we can all agree on that, right?"

They did.

He sighed once more. _Why must these visits always be so stressful?_

"Good, then let's just wai-"

The door to the dining-hall suddenly burst open, revealing a furious-looking Prince Soma running after an annoyed-looking butler with a cart.

"What are you doing!?"

"Your butler won't let me have any of the pie!"

"What!?"

"Sir," the butler addressed the Earl. "He has attempted to take some of the pie off of the cart when I was not looking. Fortunately, I was able to catch him in the act and shooed him off but he still persists in doing so."

"I have worked all day! I think I deserve a slice!" He crossed his arms and stared daggers at the butler as he walked over to his master to serve dessert.

"Please, Soma. Go do something else. We're busy. I have no time for your childish games."

"Yes! You're busy eating pie without me!" he cried indignantly.

The Earl suddenly stood up from his chair and glared at the bratty Prince. "Look, we're-"

 _Splat!_

The Earl could not finish his sentence because a chocolate pie was then thrown at his face.

Everyone stared at the Earl in shock. Then the Prince started to laugh.

"Ha! Ciel, you look so funny!"

Gritting his teeth, the Earl wiped the pie remains off of his face and proceeded to pick up a pie of his own. "So you think this is funny, do you?"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes-"

 _Splat!_

A lemon meringue pie, this time thrown by the Earl, hit the Prince's face.

"Ciel!"

He heard his fiancée call his name but did not listen. He was now boiling with anger which could only be soothed by throwing pies.

"You dare throw a pie at me!"

The Prince blinked at him, then his face broke up into a prideful grin. "Yes, I do dare."

"Well, then!" The Earl's face shifted into an impish smile. "I declare a pie war!"

Pies then began to be thrown back and forth between the two. Everyone watched, astonished. Sebastian stood in the corner thinking of all the extra work he now had to do.

"Enough of this!" the Marchioness commanded, standing up in her chair with a stern look. She, however, was disobeyed when a pie was thrown at her own face.

"Franny!" her husband exclaimed, trying not to laugh while wiping the pie off of her face.

"You!" she exclaimed, pointing at the Earl accusingly. "You are going to get it!"

The Earl's face flushed and he attempted to apologize when he himself was hit by a pie.

Soon, a full-on pie war broke out. Everyone, from every side, fired pies back and forth at each other till you could no longer see who they were. The butler could only watch in disbelief.

Afterward, the dining-hall was completely covered in pie. Everyone laughed and laughed.

"Ciel!" the girl giggled, plucking a piece of pie out of his hair. "That was so fun!"

The Earl smiled awkwardly and blushed. "Y-yes it was."

"Hmm, butler," the Marchioness called out, tasting a piece of the pie that had been splattered across the table. "Your pie isn't bad."

The butler bowed. "I am undeserving of such praise."

Ciel secretly agreed with him.

Everyone got up to brush off all the pie that clung to them and then proceeded to head to their rooms and get cleaned up. The Marchioness, noticing the Earl hanging around in a corner looking ashamed, walked over to him and smiled (actually smiled!) at him.

"That was the most fun I've had in a while."

He looked up at her in shock. "Really?"

"Yeah," she said and chuckled. "Someone like me doesn't get to act like this all the time, you know. Because," she smiled wider, "of nobility and all."

"Yeah..." he hastily agreed. "Well, um, after we get cleaned up, why don't we all head out to the gardens?"

"Sounds fine!" the Marquess cried.

"Whatever," Edward mumbled, still embarrassed for having participated in such an act. Although he thought it was quite fun throwing a pie at his soon-to-be brother-in-law.

"Anything you want, Ciel!" His fiancée hugged him tightly and then ran off with the rest of the family, leaving only the Earl and his butler.

"My, my," the butler muttered. "That was quite a show."

The Earl crossed his arms. "Hmph."

"You do realize I now have to clean all this up?"

"Yes."

"And that I'll have to wash you twice tonight to get all the pie out of your hair."

"Indeed."

The butler sighed. "I can't help but think you did this on purpose, my Lord."

"I may have."

"But I suppose we all must let loose once in a while."

"Quite right."

"And that goes for the young Master as well."

"Correct."

"So, now what do you wish to do?"

"I did want to eat dessert but now..." the Earl trailed off, scanning the once elegant dining-hall, "it seems I cannot."

"I do have one left, sir."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, it is not chocolate."

"What is it then?"

"Cherry," the butler informed him while handing him the pie.

The Earl grinned deviously. "Perfect."

 _Splat!_

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 **A/N: How was it? Did you laugh? No? Okay. Well, I enjoyed writing it anyway. xD If you find it convenient, please review and tell me your thoughts. Good or bad, I love to hear them!**


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